Norah's diabolical plot

I have briefly mentioned Norah's weird sleep patterns, but I am now convinced it's a plot. An evil, diabolical plot! A plot unlike any the world has ever seen!!!!

Okay, so maybe a four-month-old cannot plot like the Illuminati, but I still say she's thinking about it. I have been trying to get her on a sleep pattern, because it's good for kids to be on a schedule. She sleeps fine through the night, which is nice, but during the day, it's a struggle. Let's look at her average day:

7 a.m. She wakes up. She smiles a lot because the day is beginning and she can torment her poor father.
9 a.m. Daddy takes Mia to school. Norah falls asleep in the car.
9.15 a.m. Daddy arrives at school. One boy is obsessed with Norah. He runs to her car seat, saying "Baby, baby" over and over. It's cute and weird at the same time! She usually wakes up the instant the car stops.
9.30 a.m. We arrive back home. She has fallen asleep again. Occasionally I can move her to the crib for a morning nap, but not always.
9.30, 10 a.m.-11, 11.30 a.m. Periodic napping. Sometimes it's 45 minutes, sometimes it's 30 minutes, sometimes it's a hour. It depends on how evil she's feeling.
11.30 a.m. Daddy goes to pick Mia up at school. Norah falls asleep in the car.
12 p.m. Daddy returns home. Norah is usually awake. I feed Mia for as long as 20 minutes, then put her down for her nap. This is when the fun really begins.
1 p.m. Norah gets a bottle. She falls completely asleep in my arms. The instant I begin to transfer her to the crib, she wakes up. I put her in the crib anyway. This is what is known as the "first attempt." I know it is futile. She knows it is futile. My cat knows it is futile. It's all part of the magical game we play. She spends a few minutes in the crib sucking on her pacifier before I hear the familiar sounds of babbling, which will, if left unchecked, quickly become screaming. A good 60% of the time, "the first attempt" fails because of the little present she leaves in her pants for me. Sigh. I go fetch her.
1.30-2.30 p.m. Norah and I hang out in the living room. As I type this, it's what we are doing. She lies in her gymini playing with the hanging toys, attempting to roll (she can get onto her side, but can't quite get over), and smiles at Daddy as she dreams up new torments for him. Usually, if I focus all my attention on her for the entire time she's out here, she's fine. I'm chatting with her as I type this, because I'm multi-tasking!
2.30-3 p.m. The "second attempt." Usually by now she's cranky because she's
a) wet;
b) tired;
c) both;
d) possessed by an even more evil demon than the one that usually inhabits her tiny frame.
So I change her and feed her again. Sometimes she falls asleep in my arms, sometimes she just fakes it. It doesn't matter - the instant I begin to transfer her to the crib, she wakes up. Usually I don't even put her in the crib. I break out the big guns - the swing.
3-3.45 p.m. The swing. She hasn't warmed up to the swing as much as Mia did, but she's still young. I put her in it and fire up a Baby Einstein DVD. She has just discovered these, and she likes them. So into the swing she goes. Some days she soothes her, some days it pisses her off. It's all part of the pageant! If it pisses her off, I take her out.
3.45-4 p.m. Exhausted, the child falls asleep. This is the wonderful "third attempt," and it usually works. Of course, since she spent so many hours fighting sleep, she's ready for some hard-core sleeping action, and usually I start, around 5.30, trying to wake her up. Yes, it's an ironic reversal! I turn off the noise machine and fan and leave the door open. I play music in the living room while I feed Mia. I turn the light on. Nothing works - she sleeps the sleep of the just! This usually ends when I flick lit cigarette butts at her head. Oh, calm down - I'm just kidding! I'm just ripping off Keanu Reeves in Parenthood. I do have to wake her up, though, and of course, that doesn't make her happy. She gets over it, though, because now Mommy's home! Yay, Mommy!

This is, of course, a very loose schedule. For instance, today Mia did not go to school, so Norah didn't get a chance to ride in the car until much later in the morning and for not as long. Therefore, she only slept for about 15 minutes before I put Mia down for a nap. The "first attempt" was still a failure, but the "second attempt" worked because she was so tired (I took a break in the middle of this post to put her down). The present in her pants was, as usual, all too present. It's not even 2.30 now, so maybe she'll wake up at a reasonable time. Her plot seems to have worked, however. I'm actualy dictating this to one of my attendents here at the home, because I'm currently strapped down after attempting to take out the nurse with a licked-clean popsicle stick. So whatever Norah was plotting, she succeeded. Daddy is so proud of her accomplishments!